My Board

I dunno if anyone else ever has these feelings but I am really feeling bad and \'un-wanted\'

I have a feeling I have depression. Usually I don\'t like to share my personal life with everyone on the frikken internet to see but I guess you\'re all staff and I am trusting you all to keep this to yourself. Sure you can talk to me about it but I don\'t want it spreaded through msn messenger and here in PM\'s and stupid comments on threads.

Like I said, I think I have depression and I noticed that I am always being a \'party-pooper\' at school, home, and online. There are times when I just try to act happy and stuff; Mostly, I aint. I am usually just sitting here in my room with a long face and nothing else to do but sit here and write about my life online and post replies to people\'s request (Which I am still waiting for Brock to pick up his god forsaken banner and avatar I made for him about 3 weeks ago!!! :@) and I am afraid I have been taken in by the internets wing and being locked up in it.

Then I have other issue\'s........ Which I am NOT willing to share because it\'s to deep inside me -.-

I remember on TCN (oh joy.. that \'tcn\' topic agian!) that I was in the helpdesk and there was just me and Shy active in the room and I got really down on myself. I whispered her and she helped me tremendously. I wish I could do that agian with her. She is really great... It helped me so much that I just cried. (Yes I cry.. all the time, you\'ll get the frick over it)

Then there\'s Adaera who talks to me when I message her no matter what (Well not exactly.. When she is out to the store or whatever...ect.. she doesn\'t talk) But you get what I mean. She talks with me no matter what. And she treats my like her own child. Thats what makes me coming to her. I feel like I am her son... If I could switch places with Micheal, I would do it in a heartbeat (only for about 1 week though cause I am a mommy\'s boy (Oh and you\'ll get the frick over that too so don\'t even post flames twards that!))

I just wonder if I am alone out here with this feeling right now I am typig with my head facing the floor (hoping I don\'t make a tyop if I do sorry...) thinking about stuff.

Then I got this crap that annoys me (I HATE MP3 PLAYERS THAT MESSAGE TO THE CHANNEL! WHO CARES WHAT YOUR LISTENING TOOOOOO???)

•« xNMPv2 »• •«Evanescence - Fallen - 03 - Everybody\'s Fool»• •« 4.48mb\3m 16s »• •« Play Count: 4 \ Total Played: 93 »•
<[xNet]DrDre&#96;g0ne> •« xNMPv2 »• •«Evanescence - Fallen - 03 - Everybody\'s Fool»• •« 4.48mb&#092;3m 16s »• •« Play Count: 5 &#092; Total Played: 94 »•
<[xNet]DrDre&#96;g0ne> •« xNMPv2 »• •«Evanescence - Fallen - 03 - Everybody\'s Fool»• •« 4.48mb&#092;3m 16s »• •« Play Count: 6 &#092; Total Played: 95 »•
<[xNet]DrDre&#96;g0ne> •« xNMPv2 »• •«Evanescence - Fallen - 03 - Everybody\'s Fool»• •« 4.48mb&#092;3m 16s »• •« Play Count: 7 &#092; Total Played: 96 »•
<[xNet]DrDre&#96;g0ne> •« xNMPv2 »• •«Acdc - You Shook Me All Night Long»• •« 3.21mb&#092;3m 30s »• •« Play Count: 1 &#092; Total Played: 97 »•
<[xNet]DrDre&#96;g0ne> •« xNMPv2 »• •«Acdc - You Shook Me All Night Long»• •« 3.21mb&#092;3m 30s »• •« Play Count: 2 &#092; Total Played: 98 »•
<[xNet]DrDre&#96;g0ne> •« xNMPv2 »• •«116»• •« 0.42mb&#092;2m 52s »• •« Play Count: 1 &#092; Total Played: 99 »•

Isn\'t that great? oh its so CLUTTERFUL! :@

Anyway, could someone post SOMETHING that I could relate to here or am I just a 14 yr old freak alone with no life on the internet?


~Josh

I can relate in some ways, of course you didnt state why you feel like you do, not that i want you to say, its private to you, likewise is mine. I have had a pretty messed life, well the last few years anyway, withone thing leading to another, but im over alot of it now, the best thing to do is talk or ignore, but not to bottle it up, worst possible thing. I can honestly say it takes alot for me to trust people with past things happened, and i was kind of a \'party pooper\' to. Its hard growing up, 14 was a hellish year for me too, parents and teachers dont seem to believe that kids can get stressed; this is a load of crap, the amount of times ive been stressed due to home/school issues is uncountable, to the stage where i have forgotten. As you get older you realise what \'traits\' as such you gain from your parents, I sure as hell know i have alot from my dad, who i do get along with, but like with my mum i get pissed off at frequently, but this is just normal, i still havnt yet to figure who or what side of the family i gained my short temper from though - there is still time. Dont think nor try to do anything -stupid- either, its the weak way out and wont solve anything.

Anway ive babbled far to long; Josh the best advice i can give you is to talk to someone, anyone, get your feelings out of the way, or at least dont think \'down/sad\'; whether its (people at) school/home issues, just get it out, to someone you can trust. Feeling sad for yourself wont help, you need to be more positive about it. I dont know if what ive said made any real sense, but it got some stuff of my chest so meh.

And yes i hate mp3 players, especially the ones that have things like play count, total played, kbps, the stereo or mono thing, and if they have something like \"xNMPv2\" or MP3 or audio, lol.

Well I haven\'t really been in the main GG room because Bee is just to... I dunno he is just sick sick teen. \"We all bathe in blood\" Whats up with some of the things he says? <img src=\'http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/s ... nnoyed.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\'\' />

so I am here in the backup channel mainly... watching this frikken punk kid listen to his mp3 player =(

~Josh

[color=\"green\"]*hugs to the two of you*

You two...and any of you for that matter, know that you can always come to either Shy or myself to talk about absolutely anything and not be judged for it. You know that whatever you say will be kept confidential, and even if you just need to vent, we\'re here for you, and I hope that you are all here for each other, as well. I think that is what makes us such a tight forum group, because we have mutual respect for each other, and can trust each other.

The teenage years aren\'t easy for anyone. You\'re too old to be a kid, not really an adult and too many adults still treat you like a kid anyway. You\'re on the horizon of when you have to start making life-forming decisions on top of being overwhelmed by emotions and hormones. I think that in many ways young adults and even kids these days are pressured into growing up too fast. You (in general) aren\'t ready to have the pressures of the \"real world\" dumped on you, and in many ways it\'s not fair.

You are all talented young adults, and don\'t let anyone tell you different. Anytime you start doubting it, you come and look at this forum and all that you\'ve accomplished, and at how much we\'re growing; it certainly wasn\'t done by one or two people, it was done by all of you.

If Bee disturbs you, put him on ignore. He\'s trying to get attention by shocking you. He has his own set of problems too, which is why I tolerate him.

The most important thing is that you don\'t let everything pile up on you. Talk about it, yell scream, vent...but never forget that in each of you is a special person who is already well on his way to making his mark on the world.

I am privileged to be involved with such an outstanding group of young men (and the few older ones here) oh (Shy you\'re in a class all your own and I know you ain\'t a young man...or an older one)

While I like seeing you all in chat, remember there is a world out there, and it\'ll be easier to make your mark on it if you spend some time out in it. Go for a walk, a bike ride, go to the library, a museum; don\'t spend all of your free time in front of the computer.

Okay, that\'s Adaera\'s sermon for the day. Please, never forget that we are here for each other, and never be afraid to talk about things. Something painful is easier when you share the burden. Yes, it may be deeply personal and emotionally painful, but trust me on this. Share it with someone, anyone you trust. You will feel much better for it, and maybe you\'ll discover that even your darkest \"secrets\" aren\'t that bad when you put them out in the light.[/color]

Nicely said ada =) Everything she said is true Josh, and hey if you need to talk to someone whose only a year older then you (not aimed in anyway at you there ada) As for Bee, the best way is ignore, like Ada said he does have his own set of problems, or what ever..and like all of us we each deal with things with different persepectives, best thing is to ignore him, he easilly -drifted- =)

[color=\"purple\"]hey...I may be marked away in messenger most of the time....but the volume is turned up and if I\'m home I will hear it....lately I welcome home work and house work interruptions <img src=\'http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/s ... lleyes.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\':rolleyes:\' /> lol. And, as Ada says...I hope yous all realize you can come to me to talk any time. I\'ve been through a lot in my life and survived, and I just might be able to help others survive too. <img src=\'http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/s ... shades.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\'B)\' /> [/color]

Josh ..... to be able to identify and express your feelings the way you did takes more balls (*wonders if \"balls\" is allowed on here) then most teenaged males have. In my experience most teenaged males tend to bottle their feelings up until many of them finally turn to drugs and alcohol to relieve their private distress. And then one day they find themselves saying some prayer to God as their puke-covered head is burried in some strangers toilet.... The prayer usually goes something like \"please god if you just help me through this I\'ll never drink or do drugs again\" .... this promise usually lasts for all of a week and then they find themselves drunk and high again. So as far as you questioning whether or not you are strange for spending some much time online, you could be doing far worse things. But like Adaera said, it is also good to get out and do other things as well.

I always tell my daughters, if they make it to 21 without becoming an alcoholic, drug addict, or getting killed in a car accident they are a success in my mind. Teenage years are rough; the world can seem like a cold place with an overwhelming mess of judgements.

But keep your head up, and keep faith in the fact that it is just a short period of life and it will all be over before you know it and everything will be fine.
Besides, when you\'ve got friends like Adaera, Shy and others in this forum you know you\'ve always got somewhere to turn for help.

I respect your ability to express yourself and to share your feelings; Like I said you\'ve got more balls then most guys.

Well there I\'ve gone and done it again ....babbling on like a blabber mouth.... oh well it seems I wasn\'t the only one that had a \"sermon\" (*Winks at the witch).

Anyway, you\'ve got lots going for you Josh and I have complete faith that you\'ll be a success one day

Cheers mate <img src=\'http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/s ... iggrin.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\':D\' />

[color=\"green\"]Josh, i can relate to EVERYTHING you have said, as i used to be in a stage like that myself, i would get seriously depressed every day, and the only way i could get over it, was to talk, i know its hard, i know you dont want to...but you must talk about it. even if at first you just go to someone and just talk for a few minutes, then a few more the next day, ya gotta get it out, cause if you keep it all inside, it gets worse and worse, until it consumes you, it literally does, ive had two of my best friends kill themselves because of depression, and let me tell you...there is no feeling as horrible as when their parents call you to tell you...it cannot be described in writing, or any other form of communication, no-one should have to go through that, and no-one should make someone go through that, and you must believe me now, life DOES get better, its around that 14 year mark...i dont know, there is something about it, its truly terrible, but i got through it, thanks to a lot of people from GG, and now my life is so much better, i get the occasional slight depressed moment, but nothing like what i used to have <img src=\'http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/s ... iggrin.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\':D\' />


yes, mp3 messages ARE annoying, i have a very select taste in music, and this is a main reason why i hate radio, but i really dont want to know what other people are listening to....

Bee is another matter, as ada said, just use the handy
/ignore bee*!*@*
/ignore uziel*!*@
<img src=\'http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/s ... /smile.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\':)\' />

well thats my ramble, i know its not entirely charming, but its the straight truth...[/color]

Ty all for the support! <img src=\'http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/s ... #>/wub.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\':wub:\' />

[color=\"green\"]anytime Josh, anytime <img src=\'http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/s ... iggrin.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\':D\' /> [/color]

well i can say i get depressed nerly every day and my highlight of the day is to come on line and see you lot ,.p[]]or


i'mm sorry i cant fin this i (crying eye's from rading posts)0


*ADDED a day latter*
i will come back and add to this but to me reading all this has made me think how depressed i got at one point ( you all may remember i going on about killing my slef <img src=\'http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/s ... /ggsad.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\'(sad)\' /> a cople of moths a go yes thats me geting depressed) (puter) (punch)
*END OF ADD*


Tom (the stats-man)

i know this is an old post, but i was skimming through the donut shop for no reason and read this.
i cant believe how quickly you guys took me in, and im not even talking about being made staff.

i thought i had finished the 'alone' stage of my life when i came out here to be with rift, and to a certain extent i had. but with a hellish mother in law and not knowing anyone out here i suddently had no one left to talk to (not that i cant talk to rift, but having a circle of friends is different)

anyway, both he and i have also been through a lot, and even though im now a whopping 23 i wonder how on earth all these events in my life managed to take place in so little time.

what im trying to say is that for over a year i had no real life friends to talk to and was unable to make new ones here (enter the mother in law) but after i was introduced to adaera and this group i have a place to hang out again. i like you people and this is the healthiest place ive been on the internet in 7 years. theres the support, the friendship, mutual respect and such a relaxed atmosphere, made possible by the lack of power plays.

so i owe you guys a big thank you, and while you may not all know me too well to feel comfortable approaching me, if myself or rift are blinking online one night and you need to chat, dont worry at all.

the most important contribution i can make to this group is to be a good friend to anyone who needs me in that moment.

Nem

awwww thanks Nem---and we think you fit right in here, which is one reason why you were elevated so fast---plus we know potential when we see it <img src=\'http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/s ... igwink.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\';)\' />