My Board

Ok first of all, none of this is meant to be an excuse in any way, I\'ve been around next to never lately and I\'m sorry about it.

Here\'s why:

around a month ago I passed my driving test and got myself a job, this happened around the same time as college started, so my schedule is currently:
[quote]mon-fri
7:45am - wake up and get ready for college
8:20am - set off to college
9am - start college
4:30pm - finish college
5pm - start work
9pm - finish work
9:40pm - i\'m home[/quote]

Kinda sucks, but what about weekends you say. Well here comes the juicy part:

The last month or so I\'ve spent like almost every day hangin around with Rach, and for once it didn\'t seem pointless because it felt like we were getting closer, yeah yeah same old same old Paul... but tuesday night she invited me to go for a drink with her mum and tom (tom\'s her mum\'s BF.. (she\'s a widow)) so I went and had a few drinks just the same as we do pretty often. Around half way through the night I went to the toilet and tom came in to make sure I was ok (I was bordering on being very drunk /blum.gif">http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/style_emoticons//blum.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\':P\' />) anyway he told me how it\'s a shame me and Rach weren\'t together because him & louise want us to be together and how rach talks about me all the time, and all about how we were made for each other yadda yadda, so i told him i knew what he meant etc and he said to keep at it, and that him/louise are behind me. anyways rach leaned in (to the men\'s toilets so we had a lil laugh at her http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/style_emoticons//angel_not.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\'(not)\' />) to make sure we were both ok, and we walked out and had a couple more drinks..
Last orders came around and we went home, me and louise went inside the house and just had a general chat really, all while tom/rach were outside having a smoke (for like 20 mins http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/style_emoticons//blink.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\':blink:\' />)

After what seemed like an age, they came in.. straight away tom/louise went to bed, so i kinda figured tom had talked to rach too.. we somehow ended up sat outside on their garden bench just chatting, and rach started telling me how tom was talking to her about me/her
and that he\'d "made her see sense", you\'d think that means she sees "the light" lol.. anyway turns out she thinks about me/her being more than friends all the time, especially this last week since we\'ve gotten closer.
Being the guy I am, I held off from making a big move while drunk.. so I could avoid doing anything uber stupid, and we just hugged and slept kinda in the same position after i went and got a few huge coats to cover us (yeah we slept outside on the bench.. in winter/autumn(fall) http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/style_emoticons//biggrin.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\':D\' />)

anyway the next day I didn\'t get chance to talk to her face2face cuz it was morning time and people were walkin round the house all the time, so I figured I\'d txt her later that day
so I txt basically asking what she wanted to do about -us-.. and lets just say she changed her tune from tuesday night lol... you guessed it "let\'s just be friends" apparently she\'s scared of what would happen if we broke up cuz she values my friendship too much and couldn\'t bear losing me yadda yadda yaddaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAARGH

so yeah, that\'s why I\'ve hardly been here at all, even at weekends.. cuz you guessed it I\'ve been spending time (turns out it was pointless time) with Rach

so sorry about that, and sorry for what turned out to be kinduv a rant /ohmy.gif">http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/style_emoticons//ohmy.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\':o\' />, but now y\'all know

I should be around a little more, but lately things aren\'t all that good schedule-wise now college is giving us coursework again... the download sys is barely progressing, and I feel like http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/style_emoticons//censored.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\'(cens)\' /> for having a project so long and it almost becoming a lost cause but I just don\'t have anything like enough free time to work, which sucks.

I think the kinda time I have available on here is more like the time I should be spending as something less than a full/top admin (if I still am, see how much I miss? /cry.gif">http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/style_emoticons//cry.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\':(\' /> lol) because I\'m not fulfilling the responsibilities and I know it.. and I hate being in the position where I have to be "chased up" or have a search party sent out for me.. as always there\'s no way I\'m planning on leaving or anything, but evidently the time I\'m gonna be able to devote to KN/free time isn\'t anywhere near what it used to be!

Sorry to hear about the status with Rach, Paul; I can understand her p.ov. but it sure seems like she\'s been kind of leading you on.

I understand the time limitations thing, but on the other hand it\'s getting a bit frustrating for me; not just the situatation with freeware, but with lots of other stuff. I have people waiting on things to get done, and it\'s not stuff I can do.

We just need to get past the backends and the final realignment, so that then we can all relax a bit and concentrate on content and getting the word out, along with getting the KN HQ open.

If we had backends finished, then stuff could be uploaded and then it would just be content updates etc.

We need alot in the way of content, and in that way the general staff are frustrating the hell out of me. Or at least some of them are. It\'s like I have to lead them by the hand to get stuff done/made because they don\'t seem to have much in the way of initiative. They know we\'re opening a store, yet they aren\'t working on anything for content in the way of products to offer. Nem\'s leaving hasn\'t helped at all. Other than making yet another post about exactly what we need, and hoping they\'ll take some initiative, I just don\'t know what to do. Somedays I just want to say to hell with the websites, but that isn\'t fair to those who are waiting for them, nor will it help with the financing, as I can\'t get the expansion financing without the sites to show why we feel that an expansion is in order. Nor is it fair to those who have put so much work & time into building what we do have. A total catch-22 situation, and nothing I can solve on my own. Funsies.

I know what you mean, and it seems like I\'ve gone and disappeared (kinda) right in the middle of it all.

I know Rach has led me on.. and tbh I\'m pissed at her
we did plan on going for kinduv a road trip thing to a university open day/football game, which her mum/tom were gonna come down and so were my folks.. but after wednesday I txt her asking if she wanted to go, and she was like \"i not sure.. \"
and after i just said \"if you don\'t wanna go, just tell me.. i don\'t wanna end up just going down on my own\" she hasn\'t replied to anything

so I\'m probably overreacting, but right now I think she\'s being a http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/style_emoticons//censored.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\'(cens)\' /> about things, especially after she said the whole \"i value our friendship too much\", friendship includes being a friend god damnit <_<.. so I\'ve asked a few other people to come instead lol

Sorry to hear about all that Paul.

We\'re all limited with the amount of time we can commit to KN and its understandable that things like work will get in the way.

We\'re not going anywhere soon, especially not with so much coming to finish in the following weeks. Drop in when you have the time /good.gif">http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/style_emoticons//good.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\'(Y)\' />