Shattered Shell

[David]

[font=\"Tahoma\"][b]Chapter One: Escapades[/b]

The sweat underneath of him sent a chill down his spine as he woke up irruptingly. Yang sat up in his bed, staring at the door as he tried to shake off the nightmarish world he just awakened from. He mind was racing and his breaths were deep while he tried to calm his mind. A hand touched his left shoulder; nearly forcing him out of the bed from fright. Yang sighed under his breath, "Oh, Joy," he said relieved, "it's just you." Joy looked at Yang with a tired expression. "Yang, honey," she whispered in a hoarse, dry voice, "please you have got to do something about those nightmares of your's. Not just for you, but for me too; it's hard enough for me to get to sleep without you moaning and groaning as I lay in bed." Yang just nodded at her and stood up next to the bed upon deciding that a nice cold cup of chocolate milk might make him feel a bit better as it normally did. Walking to the kitchen, Yang looked as though he had been through hell and back within a night's time. His eyes darted towards the clock on the stove, seeing a nice 4:37 am. "Typical," he muttered under his breath, "she complains about not being able to sleep and doesn't even give me a moment's rest."

Yang passed by all of the Post-Its that were dangling from different objects in the kitchen and opened the refridgerator to grab his litre of Frijj's Chocolate Milkshake. His feelings were torn between finding a career for himself that was going to at least support Joy and himself or trying to stay home to help with the household; seeing as it didn't look like she could handle it herself. He tossed the top into the rubbish bin, determined to finish the entire litre himself as usual, and shut the door to the refridgerator. Not knowing his own strength, the door slammed shut, making several Post-Its fall from the door. "Take out Rubbish - Weds", "Use remaining Milk Tokens - October 1st".. the first and second ones he picked up said; but, the last made him spit up a fair portion of his milkshake. It had two words written in bold, red ink.. "[b]Kill Her[/b]". His hand shook as he held the Post-It. He blinked for a moment and read it again, this time it said "Need Nappy Wipes - A.S.A.P". Yang departed from the kitchen with what little sanity he had left, along with the litre of chocolate milkshake.

Shaking his head, Yang said to himself, "It has to be the stress. It's finally getting to me. I swear for a moment it said what I thought it did. I know we're not working out and all, but I do still love her. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for her. I need to find a job, get out of this flat before I go totally mad." He picked his glasses up from next to the mouse on the computer desk, as he always left them there, and turned on the television. Laying down on the couch as he put on his glasses, Yang did the usual channel surfing through cartoon and children channels seeing as he was nothing but a big kid himself. After much contemplation, he decided to watch some Goosebumps due to nostalgia from his childhood. Finishing off his chocolate milkshake, the last words he heard afterwards were that of an advert for mobile ringtones. The next moment was Joy waking him up since he had an appointment at a large internet service provider for a position as an administrator of their local office.

Rushing out of the door with an unbutton shirt, Yang was already running several minutes late. He rushed past the people on the sidewalks; trying to make it to the tube station ahead of the crowd. Stopping before the tube station as the chains and locks were up still; but with a notice, "We are sorry but we are doing repairs during the Bank Holiday" it read. "Mother fu--," he mouthed out, stopping his muttered curses upon seeing the insides of the station. All over the walls, the same words were graffitied in a blood red colour, "[b]Kill Her..KILL HER[/b]". Standing in front of the station in shock as people rammed into him trying to get to the next closest tube station, Yang fell to the ground while a sharp pain rushed through his head. He cried out in agony from the unbelievable pain. He laid there staring up at the people passing him by, not caring at all. Before losing consciousness, he felt a stream of blood running down the side of his cheek - originating from his nose - and whispered softly, "Kill..her?"

Yang slowly regained consciousness, only to the pleasant smell of fish surrounding him. Unluckily for him, someone dragged him to the alley behind the fish butcher's shop; where they dump all of the excess fishy salt water. "Oh ..damn." he said wearily, remembering his appointment and seeing the sun setting before his very eyes. Progressing his way back home in a "dragging feet across sidewalk" way, Yang just couldn't wrap his head around what had happened earlier that day. The blood, the words, the pain in his head, none of it made sense to him and it seems as though he's fallen that much further down the rabbit's hole since last night. Eventually, he used the key to open up the door to the flat and almost immediately Joy yelled out to him, "Yang!? What was the name of the guy you had an interview with?!" Yang kicked his shoes off into the corner next to the baby buggy and walked upstairs, "Mister Yomaggini, honey. Why?" Joy stood up at the top of the stairs with a saddened look on her face, "Because.. he was found dead soon after you were meant to have had your interview with him. And with you being gone so long, ..where were you?"

Yang started to explain the tube station, the sharp pain, the blood, and him ending up behind the fish shop covered in the scent of fresh salt water sea life. As he got to the part of walking home distressed over the entire situation, there was a knock at the door. Joy answered it, as Yang was having a drink of irish cream liquor and didn't want to be bothered. However, he heard Joy say, "He's right upstairs in the front room, Officer." Of course, it was a police officer who walked up the stairs and stood at the doorway. "Mister Kirogi, I need to take you down to the station for questioning; seeing as you were the last person who had spoken to Pirok Yomaggini in his office." Joy looked at Yang as though it was his last time in her flat, considering they had problems with him and lying. Yang only assumed that she believe him to be a murderer and a liar. "What the hell is going on here...?" he thought to himself as the handcuffs locked around his wrists. [/font]

[Jim]

very nice, this should be an interesting story.


more <img src=\'http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/s ... iggrin.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\':D\' />

[Tami]

Good allusions to pre-existing problems; adding a new conflict to the storyline so quickly is also another good draw for the reader. You've shown the tension between the two main characters, and opened up another avenue of the male lead perhaps having to go it alone due to the things he's done in the past which may cause him to lose the support of his partner.

A few grammatical errors but nothing that can't be fixed later <img src=\'http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/s ... /smile.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\':)\' />