So...Just How Does Santa Do It?

Post by **Tami** » Sun Dec 23, 2007 5:46 am

Unwrapping the Miraculous Logistics Behind Operation Christmas
By Gregory Mone

Let's be honest: There is no jolly old elf with flying reindeer who slides down chimneys and leaves gifts for every good little Christian boy and girl on Earth. That's ridiculous.

But then, where do the presents come from?

Here's our theory: There is, in fact, a nonsupernatural Santa. It's a transnational corporation with one mission-critical fulfillment goal: Every kid who celebrates the holiday gets a toy on Christmas eve.

Wired spoke with business process consultants, surveillance experts, shipping pros, and a former Navy SEAL to piece together the basic outlines of the operation — focusing, for purposes of this exposé, on points of service in the continental US. From command and control at the North Pole to secret manufacturing facilities in China and Eastern Europe, from the Pacific shipping lanes to the deployment of domestic-access operatives, Santa owns the silent night. With NSA surveillance tech, they see you when you're sleeping, and they know when you're awake. They know when you've been bad or good — thanks to algorithms that make Google look like Pong. You better not shout. You better not cry. Operation Santa is coming to town.

[url=\"http://www.wired.com/special_multimedia/2007/st_santa_1512\"]See the Full Plan[/url]

Josh · Post by **Josh** » Sun Dec 23, 2007 6:13 am

This is all bogus. We all know there is a Santa Claus. No one can accept it because it's apparently impossible. I guess the world just doesn't believe in magic.

Post by **Jim** » Mon Dec 24, 2007 3:32 am

Santa owns <img src=\'http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/s ... #>/cry.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\':(\' /> I don't believe this stuff at all

ner0 · Post by **ner0** » Mon Dec 24, 2007 1:48 pm

santa ftw

Post by **Tami** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 8:58 am

awwww come on now - we all know there is no way that fat old man could possibly make it to all those homes all by himself, pulled by "eight tiny reindeer" <img src=\'http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/s ... /lmfao.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\':lmfao:\' />

Post by **Jim** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 9:04 am

<img src=\'http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/s ... /knife.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\'(knife)\' /> don't ruin what little christmas spirit i have / had <img src=\'http://www.killanet.net/forum3/public/s ... >/blum.gif\' class=\'bbc_emoticon\' alt=\':P\' />

Post by **NightStorm** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 6:32 pm

That's why he doesn't have 8... he has 9.[list=1]
[*]Dasher
[*]Dancer
[*]Prancer
[*]Vixin
[*]Comit
[*]Cupid
[*]Donner
[*]Blitzen
[*]Rudolph
[/list]That last one makes all the difference in the World... that's why there's movies about him.

Post by **Tami** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 1:04 am

Yes but...

[quote][b]But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer[/b],
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"[/quote]

...from A Visit From Saint Nicholas by Clement Clarke Moore, written in 1822 - long, long before Rudolph became a thought in a store owner's head. If there are in fact any flying sleigh pulling reindeer in some hidden homestead in the frozen North, then there are only eight because the ninth was just a marketing tool to further sell the Santa story to children so that they didn't discover the Santa Conspiracy which Wired has obviously infiltrated.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer - that 9th reindeer of which you speak - didn't make an appearance until 1939 when a poem by the same name was published as a promotional book by Montgomery Ward stores as a promotional gimmick to get people in and shopping.

So....obviously Montgomery Ward must have been part of the Santa Conspiracy and to cover the store's involvement the owner came up with this fairy tale about a 9th reindeer which would then give the old man a bit of extra pull-power along with a nifty new form of navigation.

Post by **NightStorm** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 1:06 am

Nuh uh. 1939 would have started to see a population boom (the Baby Boomer Generation, as it were). As such, Santa had to haul a lot more loot from house to house to handle this increase in children... as such, he had to bring in a 9th reindeer...